Sept. 8, 2002

Mindekirken Sept. 8, 2002
Pr. Jens Arne Dale

Recently, I was at the Omni Theater at the Science Museum in St. Paul. There they showed a space film. To see a rocket being shot up with thunder and smoke was impressive. The screen was as wide as one could see. But maybe it was equally impressive to see the former enemies from the cold war working harmoniously together in a weightless condition. Russians and Americans work together at a space station on a true course around the earth.

Today’s text is like a three-stage rocket when it comes to handling a conflict. The aim is to re-establish fellowship and harmony. It begins with:

"If another member of the church sins against you…" Then what? The question is interesting because we all have experienced this situation. Someone has sinned against us.

Last Sunday I told about Stephen Watt who hopes to be the next governor of Wyoming. He experienced being severely injured and almost killed by a bank robber. Stephen got aggressive and bitter. His wife almost left him. In the end he forgave his evildoer and he experienced how bitterness and hatred lost its control over his mind. Today, Stephen is best friends with the one who 20 years ago almost killed him. "How many times should I forgive my brother?", Peter asked, "As many as seven times?" Do you remember the answer? "Not seven times, but seventy, seven times." Jesus said. Forgiveness should be without limits. Grace is the greatest thing of all. The whole life of Jesus, his death and resurrection is aimed at this only thing: to provide forgiveness of the sin of mankind. We pray: Forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us. Forgiveness is a key to life and fellowship.

With this in mind, we read today’s text again: "If another member of the church sins against you…" The expression "against you" is not mentioned in the oldest handwritten texts, but the context shows that this is the meaning. Then what? We should have expected that Jesus said: "So forgive him…" But quite surprisingly Jesus says something else. "Go and point out the fault when the two of you are alone." Then it’s not right to put up with everything. "Go and point out…" In some families they are afraid of "Going and pointing out" when there are conflicts. And when contradictions come to the surface, it happens as an eruption of accusations, and then you have in motion. Or one chooses to go and point it out to everyone else other than the one it concerns. How is it here at Mindekirken – do we back bite one another or do we speak out with the one it concerns? Dare to confront: "I feel that what you said or did was unfair…" Dare to be plain. Take care of your self respect. Take a conflict if it’s necessary; don’t let anyone trample on you. The first stage of the rocket is to go to the one who has sinned and point out the fault. The aim is clear: "If he listens to you, you have regained that one." One has cleared the air and may again be good friends. A good fellowship may withstand the truth being spoken. But the truth has to be presented in a way that not only lightens but also warms. Speaking the truth in a spirit of love, is a Biblical expression (Ephes. 4:15). Speak out in an atmosphere that signals the wish to forgive.

Forgiveness does not mean that one should put up with everything. Everyone who has lived close to another human knows how difficult it may be. When may a spouse hit the table and say: "I can’t stand this anymore."?

When should one turn the other cheek and carry on? Is it for instance right to forgive years of coldness, contempt, and disregard? Is it right to forgive unfaithfulness? Jesus shows us a next stage when the conversation between two doesn’t solve any problem. That is to consult a third party. "But if you are not listened to take one or two others along with you…" In a life together this may mean going to a marriage counselor or a therapist. The aim is not to accuse, seek revenge or punish, but to gain the other back. Find a basis of a right and good fellowship. Seek help when things turn out to be difficult in a relationship. This is a piece of good advice, but the third stage is not recommended for marriage conflicts: "Tell it to the church…" It would have been something if the announcements contained an exhortation to "NN" to get reconciled with his spouse. The words of Jesus are hardly practical in that way. But this third stage is a description of the utter effort to make a new start. And if there is no will to be accountable and truthful, one may come into a position where the basis of fellowship is gone. Then only a break remains. "And if the offender refuses to listen even to the church, let such a one be to you as a Gentile and a tax collector…" Many people at Mindekirken have experienced divorce. There was hardly anyone who sent flowers to you when you felt sorry for the marriage that got lost. But here are some verbal flowers. If a marriage develops in a way that violates people and threatens their lives, it might be a respectful thing to leave the relationship. Man was not made for the sake of marriage, but marriage for the sake of man. Even if it may be experienced as a defeat, a break may be the right way to go.

Should a sex victim forgive one’s evildoer? To ask someone to do that would be a new encroachment. The one who has been exposed to sexual abuse may feel guilty, dirty and sinful. To demand that one should forgive in such a situation would be to begin at the wrong end. There may be a long ways to go in therapy before one may be able to place the guilt where it belongs, namely on the evildoer. To speak of forgiveness might be to put stones on a burden, which is too heavy already.

One doesn’t speak easily about forgiveness on a day when the nation commemorates 9/11. But it would be appropriate to talk about justice and safety.

Nelson Mandela was in prison for 27 years in South Africa. Few have, as he has, given a face to forgiveness. When he formed his government he also let some of his former enemies be ministers. But the reconciliation process in Southern Africa has not been based on denial. The Truth Commission got facts of the apartheid regime on the table, but it didn’t judge. Maybe the Truth Commission in South Africa is the closest we come to a political issue of what Jesus explains as "the church". Now, Jesus didn’t have political condition in mind, but the congregations dealing with conflicts. And when it comes to that, Jesus recommends a three-staged rocket, where you start with only the two and end up in court. But all the time driven by the wish to reestablish fellowship, "to regain one’s brother."

The ultimate thing comes in the end: "Whatever you bind on earth will be bound in heaven, and whatever you loose on earth will be loosed in heaven." The authority to bind has been interpreted as the church’s right to expel people from communion who will not repent. In the Middle Ages, this was the main weapon the pope used against the emperor. Unfortunately it showed more of the pope’s wish for earthly power than his spiritual maturity. The church’s authority to bind is about word and sacrament. It’s a description of what happens when a human refuses to receive the grace of God. The authority to loose means that the church may say on behalf of God that people’s sins are forgiven. It happens when the gospel is preached and the sacraments used. If you feel your conscience condemns you, confession may be the right way to go. Put words to your sin, and Jesus has given us the right to release you with the words of the gospel that spells freedom: "You are forgiven by God."

Today’s text doesn’t deny that Christians may come into conflicts. It’s almost a bit comforting to know that Jesus predicted it. But the text ends with words about Christian agreement: "If two of you agree on earth about anything you ask, it will be done for you by my Father in heaven." What a wonderful promise. That’s heaven on earth. That’s Jesus in our midst.

Glory be to God, the Father, the Son and The Holy Spirit, one true God, now and forever. Amen

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