October 5, 2003

Mindekirken Oct.5, 2003
Pastor Jens Arne Dale

Mark 10.2-16

Marriage can offer quite a few challenges. For instance, the difference between man and woman can be a source of constantly upcoming surprises. It was said about two who got married that she wanted to change her husband, and he hoped that she would never change.

Maybe John Grey is right when he assumes that man and woman are as different as if they came from two different planets. Women come from Venus, men from Mars. He doesn’t understand why she has to talk all the time. And she doesn’t understand why he often withdraws into his cave. Getting to know one’s spouse might be like approaching a different culture… But it’s worth it. Take a class to learn how to live together. Read books on the topic. Get to know your spouse. This could be the area of life where we have the most to gain.

Jesus quotes in today’s text from what is supposed to be the ideal: But from the beginning of creation, God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh… What God has joined together, let no one separate. The ideal of one man and one woman living together is stated in the Bible. And we actually find it in most other cultures, too.

It’s always fascinating to be the pastor at a wedding. The groom is normally seated in front of the altar together with his mother, waiting for the great revelation. The church doors will be opened, and the bride will be led to the altar by her father. At the beginning, bride and groom would sit on different sides. Then they meet in front of the altar and exchange their vows, promising faithfulness all their lives.

Then they will be seated side by side, and the bride’s father will sit at the side of the groom’s mother. A normal groom would then have approximately two seconds between his mother and his wife. The man has left his father and mother and is joined to his wife. The two shall become one flesh. The ties to the parents are cut, and the spouses are tied to each other. No mother nor mother-in-law are allowed to come in between.

The pastor reads from the story of creation: Be fruitful and multiply. Married life is where the most intimate joy between man and woman is supposed to take place. It’s the framework in which children might be taken care of. And it even has a function concerning the older generation.

This summer, the Episcopal Church elected their first bishop who is gay and lives together with his partner. The election was approved here in Minneapolis in August. The Rev. Gene Robinson had been married before, and he has two adult daughters. In an interview on MPR, he told of how after years of struggle he finally had to admit to himself and others that he was gay. And that made it impossible for him to continue to live in married life.

In connection with the divorce he told how he and his wife asked each other for forgiveness for all they might have done wrong to each other. Then they asked God for forgiveness and received the sacrament together in front of the altar. It was like that which was broken was brought to God. Normally, divorce is something we don’t celebrate. It’s a situation where counseling is more likely to be needed than a ceremony. But it might be important to express in words what’s happening in such situations. The Bible has something to tell us even then. Jesus spoke on divorce. Therefore it shouldn’t be tabooed by us either.

Statistics tell us that a lot of people get divorced for a lot of different reasons. A friend of mine told me his world went under when he realized that his marriage would come to an end. It was a defeat so great that he lost both his self-respect and faith. No one sent flowers though he grieved deeply. The pain led him into deep depression. The relationship with his children suffered. He went economically broke. Some of you who are here at the church today might tell similar stories.

The story of Jesus and the children, which, quite unrelated, has become part of today’s text, shows us how Jesus cares for the helpless. In life’s toughest storms, when we can’t make it on our own anymore, the open arms are there and draw us close to God’s heart. There might be people who get divorced who need their friends to carry them. One might be carried to Jesus in prayer, almost like they brought little children to Jesus that he might touch them. And I think it’s still evangelical if we say: To such as these the kingdom of God belongs, and that includes also people who are not able to live in married life any more.

Of course it was the Pharisees who wanted to discuss the matter of married life and divorce with Jesus. But they didn’t do it because they cared for people who struggled, they wanted to test Jesus on a theological issue. Jesus gave them a very clear answer. Jesus talked about unfaithfulness as an acceptable reason for divorce. Behind this we see the idea about the innocent party. However, life has taught us that it is difficult to judge who really is the innocent party. Jesus spoke about hardened hearts.

It describes life when one neither can nor will love one’s spouse any more. He spoke about sin when it came to divorcing and marrying another. The commandment thou shall not commit adultery is still valid. It’s interesting to see the small difference between Mark and Matthew. Matthew reflects on the rule that the man in some situations was allowed to divorce. According to Mark, the woman also had this right. That was not according to Jewish law, but Roman. One has to adapt to the laws of society, or eventually use one’s democratic right if one would like to see them changed.

In our society we offer counseling, therapy and legal aid when divorce seems to be the case. Jesus teaches us about the moral side of this. When a vow of lifelong faithfulness is broken, it might be appropriate to ask God and men for forgiveness. There is a way leading from settlement to a new start. The text says that Jesus laid his hands on the little children and blessed them. At confession we confess sin. And the pastor lays his hand on the head of the one who confesses his or her sins. And he proclaims the entire forgiveness of all one’s sins in name of the triune God. Life after a divorce won’t be the same, but that doesn’t dismiss the grace of God. Human defeats don’t prevent God from blessing.

The disciples spoke sternly and tried to prevent the children from getting to Jesus. I hope our prejudices and temptation to be moral judges won’t prevent people from being touched by Jesus when they need it the most.

Glory be to God, Father, Son and Holy Spirit, now and forever. Amen.

The Norwegian Lutheran Memorial Church ·  924 E. 21st St, Minneapolis, MN 55404-2952 ·  (612)874-0716