July 18, 2004

Mindekirken July 18, 2004
Pastor Jens Arne Dale

Over 90 years ago a young woman was beaten by her husband on the evening of her wedding. She lived at a time when there was great shame in being publicly identified as a victim of domestic abuse. Spousal abuse at that time was simply "a family matter". Shortly thereafter the young woman became pregnant, but sadly the domestic abuse continued. She left her husband and with the help of her family moved to Grand Rapids, Michigan. Her son, Gerald Ford, went on to become President of the United States.

I have chosen the angle of domestic abuse as an approach the text about Martha and Mary, because the outgoing Chief Judge of Hennepin County, Kevin S Burke, has sent a letter to pastors requesting us to address this issue. Last year there were more than 30,000 calls to 911 regarding domestic violence in Hennepin County alone. For the first time in 11 years, the majority of the calls came from the suburbs rather than Minneapolis.

Domestic abuse may take place also behind good-looking facades. Since 1998, 150 women and 78 children under the age of 13 died because of domestic violence in Minnesota. A home should be a safe and secure place where everyone in the family experiences love. Sorry to say, that’s not always the case.

We have to protest when the effort to help those who are victims of domestic violence suffers budget cuts. And we must try to find the basic reasons for this kind of violence. Why do some live in constant fear of physical and psychological abuse in their own home? How may we help in breaking the evil circle?

One place to begin is to put words to it. The church must contribute to recognizing that domestic violence can occur, and that it can’t be tolerated. Since the church emphasizes the value of marriage and family life, we have to be especially aware of the danger of attitudes where for instance a man allows himself to abuse a woman in the name of God.

When Eva Lundgren a few decades ago in Norway documented abuse of women in the name of God, she was stamped as a liar, feminist and enemy of the faith. Today we know that what she revealed was part of the painful truth. If the church is to have a healing ministry regarding domestic violence, the first step would be to speak honestly of the fact that these things really happen.

I mention these things today also because the text about Martha and Mary is the first choice when the issue of the Christian home is addressed. There is hardly any home in the NT we get to know better than this one of Betanja. Interestingly enough, it was not a traditional nuclear family, but three siblings living together. The majority of people at Mindekirken, as in society in general, don’t live in a traditional nuclear family.

The home of Betanja was a good one. The people who lived there, had love for each other. Especially we know that from the episode where Lazarus fell ill and died. It’s obvious that Jesus appreciated visiting with them. He could withdraw and relax in this home. The Betanja home was like an oasis for Jesus in his busy everyday life.

But even this good home was not free of tension. Today’s text even shows us that the sisters could get on each others’ nerves. They had quite different temperaments, and totally different priorities. Maybe Mary was fed-up by the stress of Martha? Maybe Martha was irritated because her little sister Mary often left her alone with the work in the house?

At least it came to a clash between two different temperaments the day Jesus visited with them. We sometimes hear that from spouses too: We are so different! John Grey claims that man and woman are as different as if they came from two separate planets. Women are from Venus. Men are from Mars. That’s a source of tension and frustration, but also a possible source of enrichment and growth.

Both Martha and Mary loved Jesus a lot. But they expressed their love in quite different ways. They had different languages of love, a therapist might have said. When Jesus came, Martha rushed to the kitchen to put on the coffee machine. She ran down in the basement to pick up the best liqueur of the house. Luckily she had a coffee bread ring in the freezer and a microwave in which she could thaw it quickly. She put a tablecloth with Hardanger embroidery on the table and the finest china.

But before she ran out to the garden to pick some fresh flowers, she made a stop in front of Jesus. With a resigned sigh concerning her little sister who even wouldn’t help her put powdered sugar on the coffee bread, she let her frustration out in front of Jesus: Lord, do you not care that my sister has left me to do all the work by myself? Tell her then to help me! Implied, she won’t listen to me. You have to talk to her.

I think most of us understand Martha perfectly. Sometimes it simply is a busy time, and then it’s reasonable to share the burden of the work. Jesus’ answer reveals a lot of sympathy with Martha. Therefore it’s a surprise that he doesn’t do as she asks. Jesus’ answer will be remind us for all time: Martha, Martha, you are worried and distracted by many things; there is need of only one thing. Mary has chosen the better part, which will not be taken away from her.

I think Jesus’ answer speaks to us even today. How often are not our lives full of distress and worries? Who hasn’t worried: How shall I manage my life, my economy, my health etc? We are worried about our nearest ones. All we have to do make us stressed. In spite of all the modern equipment which makes life easier, it seems like we are busier than ever, although we are not the first generation to complain about the demands of every day life.

Ludvik Holberg wrote in The Restless approximately 300 years ago: If I only for once in my life time could be so happy that I could say to myself: Go to bed or to the table or to rest, now there is nothing more for you to do. But that time will never come, my business is like a snowball. The more I force it forward, the bigger it gets.

After all, the things which make us hurry are seldom important. At least Jesus’ answer to Martha might be interpreted that way. Maybe Martha was angry and felt hurt because she had to do all the work in the house by herself. Maybe Jesus heard some bitterness behind her accusations. Truly she loved Jesus. But when she wanted to show her love, she had to do it her way. And she got insulted because she didn’t get it her way. It’s hard to be together with people who always have to do it their way.

Martha didn’t manage to see into the heart of Jesus what he wanted. Jesus didn’t need a perfect hostess. He obviously longed for something else. For him, the spiritual treatment was the more important. At least he enjoyed having Mary sitting at his feet listening to what he was saying.

We have a lot of activities here at the church. That’s very good. But today we’re reminded of the better part. We need the silence. We need to calm down, meditate, to be close, feel the fellowship, enjoy the careful conversation. We need to relax, and we need to be nourished. By reading the Bible, we listen to the words of Jesus. In the NT we learn that Jesus himself spent time in prayer to his heavenly father. Sometimes he went up in the mountains to pray for a whole night.

We should protect Sunday as a Holy Day. Then our Mary place is at church. Here we seek the better part which will not be taken away from us. Here, we lay the stress of everyday life behind. Here we seek the Kingdom of God first, as Jesus spoke about in the Sermon on the Mount. Jesus wants us to have the better part. Before him we may be released from all we have to do. There we’re only supposed to be.

Glory be to God, the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit, one true God, now and forever. Amen.

The Norwegian Lutheran Memorial Church ·  924 E. 21st St, Minneapolis, MN 55404-2952 ·  (612)874-0716